Joseph F. Smith had a classical understanding of time, and that is important

In 1918 Joseph F. Smith had a revelation on the Savior's visit to the spirit world and the redemption of the dead. Leading up to this revelation he had many questions weighing on his mind brought on by recent family deaths and his own reckoning with mortality.

While explaining his thinking leading up to the revelation Joseph F. Smith said,

25 I marveled, for I understood that the Savior spent about three years in his ministry among the Jews.... 27 But his ministry among those who were dead was limited to the brief time intervening between the crucifixion and his resurrection; 28 And I wondered at the words of Peter—wherein he said that the Son of God preached unto the spirits in prison... and how it was possible for him to preach to those spirits and perform the necessary labor among them in so short a time. (D&C 138:25-28)

Part of what made Joseph F. Smith ask his questions in the first place was the fact that he could not see anyway for the Savior to have sufficient time to preach to so many people who had already died. Without realizing it Joseph F. Smith had certain implicit metaphysical assumptions that determined what kinds of questions he would ask and what kinds of answers he would look for. Joseph F. Smith operated with a certain subconscious understanding of time that created a paradox that necessitated an answer.

If Joseph F. Smith had lived much later in our day and had asked the same question, "How could the Savior do more in three days than he had done in three years on Earth?" he would have different options available to answer this question regarding time. But for him, this question presented an unresolvable paradox. If members of the Church did not have the benefit of Joseph F. Smith's revelation and asked the same question today, a number of people would probably invoke the principles of relativity and relative time.

Possible answers could have included things like, "The flow of time is different in the spirit world.", or "Time is only something relevant to mortality, so the Savior was not bound by time constraints in the spirit world." Any of these answers would have lessened the urgency of resolving the three day time constraint on the Savior, and could have possibly lead Joseph F. Smith to consider his questions differently, or even a different set of questions.

Because of the proliferation of Einstein's theories of relativity we have a very different fundamental understanding of time than people previously had. Generally we do not even realize the immense difference in how we collectively understand time compared to even 100 years ago. The idea that time can flow at different rates, or that time is relative to the observer, has so permeated our society that major Hollywood movies can use the idea as a crucial plot point and we do not even consider how strange a concept it is for time to flow differently or fail to grasp the relative nature of time. Even the concept of time travel is a relatively modern concept that we do not realize entirely depends on certain crucial ontological concepts of time that have only entered our collective consciousness in the past 100 years.

For Joseph F. Smith his subconscious concept of time worked very differently from ours. He was not acculturated to a relative or even a dimensional understanding of time. For him time was the same for everyone, everywhere including the spirit world, and, even though it was subconscious and unintentional, how he understood time was central to the paradox that he faced. If he had a different subconscious concept of time then his approach to the question of how did the Savior accomplish in three days what he did not manage to do in three years would have turned out differently. Perhaps he would not have pondered the question in the same way, or he would have gone looking in different directions for different answers to resolve the issues that weighed on his mind.

My point is, when Joseph F. Smith was faced with certain questions, the ones that were the most paradoxical for him and presented the greatest challenge, were the ones that were only present because of how he subconsciously viewed time. The implicit cultural assumptions he unintentionally held placed boundaries on the kinds of questions he would ask, and the kinds of answers he sought. His ontology (his fundamental understanding of the nature of existence) informed the structure of the questions and paradoxes he faced.

In this case the unstated, and unintentional, prepositions of Joseph F. Smith lead him to a question that could be answered by revelation. In fact, his assumptions about the nature of time made his questioning possible. If he had a different understanding of time then he may not have been forced to reckon with his uncertainty in the same way. So his subconscious assumptions on the nature of time were beneficial and greatly simplified the issue he was considering. But it does not always turn out that way.

Quite often we are faced with paradoxes or questions we cannot find an answer for. Frequently the paradox only exists because of the subconscious, unintentional choices we have made in understanding the world. Many times I see people of faith asking some form of the question, "How does XYZ work if ABC?" or, "How can XYZ be true when ABC is true?" For them these are paradoxical questions for which there is no solution. But quite often the paradox only exists because of unstated assumptions they have made without even realizing it. Many such questions, such as the relationship between science and religion, are entirely dependent on subconscious assumptions we have made regarding the nature of science, scripture, authority, and revelation (not to mention epistemology, language, metaphysics, and God himself).

Sometimes the answer to someone's question simply requires the right information with an acceptable explanation. But other times the paradox lies entirely in unstated assumptions the person has made. These are the most difficult to address, because recognizing our own unstated assumptions about reality, and identifying them as the source of our confusion, is perhaps one of the most difficult human tasks in existence. It is easier to change someone's behavior than it is to make them realize that the intractable paradoxes that seemingly have no resolution are the result of unintentional assumptions they have made about the nature of reality itself. And the most difficult of these already difficult conflicts are the ones that are most closely bound to someone's identity.

In summary, I have used the example of Joseph F. Smith and the questions he faced about the spirit world to point out certain assumptions he had about the nature of time that may be very different from our assumptions today. Using this, I introduced the idea that the assumptions we unintentionally and subconsciously make can, in part, determine the types of questions we ask, and what we might consider to be an intractable paradox. Some questions can be answered through discovering new information, but other more paradoxical questions can only be resolved by considering what underlying assumptions we have unintentionally made about reality. Addressing these more paradoxical questions is a difficult endeavor that takes patience, experience, and practice. But by first recognizing that these unstated assumptions exist we can be more aware of assumptions that make some questions seemingly unanswerable, and ultimately give us a path towards resolving these paradoxes. Sometimes finding the answer to a question requires realizing that we are asking the wrong question.

Questions to Ask Before Asking Questions About Genesis

 A few questions people have posted online recently have prompted me to write this. This started out as a response to someone's thoughts on reconciling the story of the creation in Genesis with what we are figuring out from modern science.

 Before asking any questions about Genesis it is best to first ask yourself a few questions.

1. Who wrote the Bible?

More specifically, who wrote the book of Genesis? The easiest thing to do is assume that it was Moses. But how does that fit with what we know from an LDS perspective? In the Pearl of Great Price the Book of Moses is Joseph Smith's "translation" of Genesis chapters 1-6 up to verse 13. So the Joseph Smith translation took 5 and 1/2 chapters in Genesis and expanded them into 8 chapters for the Book of Moses. There are a couple of different ways of looking at this.

The material added by Joseph Smith could be divinely inspired or mandated material added to the original text by Moses. Or it could be material that originally was in the book written by Moses and later editors removed it when writing the "Reader's Digest condensed" version of Genesis. Either way the implication is that just the text from Genesis was not considered complete and additional revelation was needed.

This all of course assumes that Moses was the one who wrote the version that we have in Genesis. If you start looking into that question just realize that the answer gets very complex very quickly, and it does nothing to make the question "Who wrote the Bible?" any easier.

From the Book of Moses we learn that what was written about the creation and the Garden of Eden was shown to Moses in a vision. The story of the Garden of Eden was not written down by Adam. The story of the flood wasn't written down by Noah. If we assume that Moses wrote Genesis, and there are arguments that he may not have (or there may have been many editorial revisions), then whoever wrote Genesis in the form that we have now was writing 1,000-4,000 years after the events in the Book of Genesis. 

In so many ways the question of who wrote the Bible leads to the next major question that you have to ask.

2. What language was the Bible written in?

Anyone who has learned a second language knows that translation is not always as simple and straight forward as you might think. For many years my dad taught Spanish and something he always told his students was, "Spanish is not translated English!"

Yes, words like "que" are usually translated into English as "what". But "que" does not mean "what". The word "que" has its own meaning and use in Spanish that does not always correspond to "what" in English.

But it gets more complex from there. In most universities, and even in some high schools, students are required to take a few classes of a foreign language. In some cases taking advanced math classes counts towards the foreign language credit. This actually makes sense because as anyone who has suffered through several math classes knows, math is a foreign language. You have to learn how to read, write, and speak math. It's deceptive because math can use all English words and numbers, yet still be a completely foreign language.

The same is true of science. Science has its own language. Many people are completely unaware of this because if you pick up a book on physics or chemistry there will be mostly English words in there (or Spanish words in Spanish speaking countries, or Mandarin words in China, or etc.). But learning the language of modern science is literally like learning a foreign language.

So this brings us back to the question of what language was the Bible written in. Was it written in English? Why not? Other than the obvious fact that English didn't exist yet. Back when Moses was alive alphabets were still being invented!

Not only did Moses not write the Book of Genesis in English, but God didn't even speak to Moses in English! God spoke in a language that Moses understood! ("well duh qleap42, get to the point.")

God didn't speak to Moses in modern English because its not something Moses would have understood. In the exact same way, God didn't speak to Moses in the language of modern science. He spoke to Moses in a language that Moses could understand. Many people will say that if God had shown Moses the creation in vision, then God had to have shown Moses "the correct" way creation happened. Anything else would mean God was deceiving Moses. 

But these things were shown to Moses in a vision. Lehi in his vision of the tree of life saw the love of God as a tree with fruit on it. The vanity of the world was a great and spacious building without foundation. Did God deceive Lehi by representing "the love of God" as fruit on a tree? Or vanity as a "great and spacious building without foundation"? In the Book of John's Revelation, John saw many things, all of which were symbolic. Did God deceive John by showing him symbolic events about the end of the world?

Furthermore, what is the "correct" scientific understanding that God is supposed to have shown to Moses to not deceive him? The scientific understanding during the 18th dynasty in Egypt? Or was it the science of 7th century BC Babylon? The science of 3rd century BC Greece? 3rd century AD Rome? 11th century China? 16th century Europe? Science of the 19th century? The 20th, or the 21st? Perhaps better the 22nd? Or the 31st?

It's awfully presumptuous of us to think that God should have explained things to Moses in a way that Moses couldn't understand just so that we could. It's awfully presumptuous to think that we currently understand the universe correctly. That the way we see things is the way God sees them. It's awfully presumptuous to think that God can only explain things to people in a way that fits with our understanding of reality. Anything else is wrong and would mean God is deceiving them. That's an awfully prideful way of looking at things.

In the Doctrine and Covenants it mentions that in the last days everything will be reveled, including how the earth was made and the power by which it came to be. An interesting corollary of that is the idea that how the earth was made has not been revealed! That means the story in Genesis is not the story of the literal creation of the world, but symbols in a vision given to Moses so that he could understand. In that way God taught Moses how he, Moses, sits in relation to God. When Moses saw that he realized "that man is nothing, which thing [Moses] never had supposed."

Perhaps we should keep that in mind as we use science to learn things about the universe and how vast it is. When we consider the size and the true scope of reality that we are just now beginning to understand through science, we learn things we never thought possible. The size and scope of the universe is something that I literally deal with on a daily basis. Whenever I see someone, especially Latter-day Saints, insist the earth is only 6,000 years old, or that the earth was created in six 24 hour periods, I just think about just how big the universe really is. I think about how complex it is, from the creation of elements, the formation of stars and galaxies, the complexities of nuclear reactions, neutron stars, gravitational collapse, supernovas, neutron star mergers, basic chemistry, the time it took life to evolve, the complexities of life, the intricacies of evolution, evolutionary niches, the complex reactions that govern our bodies, the chaotic neuron cascades in our brains, not to mention the complexity of history, language, science, culture, and human societies. And there at the center of it all a God who knows and understands it all. Whose hand can hold millions of earths like this. Who watches as millions of earth come into being and millions pass away. God is someone who can know all that, and wants to teach us all of that, but first we have to learn how to understand what He is saying.

In all the vastness of creation it is awfully presumptuous of us to presume that we know how God made the earth because we read something in a book and assumed that we understood what it was saying.

Before we ask questions from Genesis, perhaps we should ask ourselves some questions.

A New Christian Symbol

Last night President Russell M. Nelson announced a new symbol for the Church of Jesus Christ to use. The new symbol has a depiction of Jesus under an arch symbolically representing the tomb. He is standing upon a corner stone with the name of the Church on it. If we take the simplest form of this symbol there are many other meanings that we can give it. Like many symbols of religions through out the world it is very simple, but can contain intense meanings.

Here are possible interpretations of this symbol:

• It is the door of the empty tomb after the resurrection of Jesus.
• It is an open door to the Church, inviting others to enter.
• It is gateway leading us into the path of Eternal Life. The gateway is baptism, which is symbolic of the grave and of resurrection.
• It is the windows of heaven.
• It is a doorway to a new life.
• It is an open door of fellowship and friendship. Our door is always open.
• The stone is the corner stone representing Christ.
• The stone is the Rock upon which we should build.
• It is the foundation of the Church and the Gospel.
• It is the welcome mat to our homes.
• It contains the steps to the doorway to heaven.

It's a very simple symbol but can have many meanings.

Guest Post: Depression and the Spirit

[Note from the blog author, Quantumleap42: This is a guest post from a long time friend. They don't like to talk about their depression, especially not in public places, but after some prompting from me they agreed to tell about their experiences. They wish to remain anonymous so I will refer to them as Sidney, but if anyone has any comments or questions for Sidney please leave them in the comments or email them to me and I will pass them along to Sidney. Sidney's experiences and insights have taught me a lot about how to understand depression. Feel free to share this with anyone who might need it, or just with anyone because you never know what they are going through. This originally came from three different texts or letters Sidney wrote over several years. I provided some editorial revisions that Sidney agreed to, to combine the three texts and for clarity.]

I normally don’t read or comment on blogs and I hope that you will not mind posting this, but I thought I could offer some insight into this topic. It is just something that has been on my mind a lot lately. 

When I was a teenager I began experiencing severe depression, but I always thought it was normal. It never occurred to me that not everyone found it difficult to do basic things like get up in the morning. I remember laying in bed feeling like I hurt all over while also feeling like I had done something terribly wrong and I would never be a good person. I felt I was fated to end up somewhere in the Telestial kingdom, and would never be able to do anything righteous with my life. I felt like a perpetual sinner. The few times I talked to friends about it they would say they occasionally felt the same way. It never occurred to me that they only felt that way rarely, not 5-6 days a week for months on end. I still have the page in my journal where I wrote about the pain I felt and how I wish I could make it stop. No one ever saw that page.

Later when I went to college, and then on a mission, I was still dealing with my depression, but I didn't know that was what it was. I just thought I was tired, or I just had to be more spiritual, or I had an impure thought and therefore I had lost the companionship of the Holy Spirit. If I just tried harder then I wouldn't feel bad. I remember an Elder from my mission got sent home because he had bipolar disorder and was unable to function. I looked at him and thought I wasn't that bad so I couldn't have bipolar disorder or depression because the only people I had ever known who had depression were on 15+ medications and on suicide watch, or so it seemed. I thought I didn't have a problem because it wasn't that bad.

When I came home from my mission and returned to college I continued with my same problems. I felt that my mission had been a waste, my family was distant and friends never wanted to talk. I received some priesthood blessings that came at a very specific time when I was feeling my worst and the Lord told me that He was pleased with the work I had done on my mission and had accepted my offering. (Quantum was there for that blessing, though he was not the one who gave it.) It was just the thing I needed to hear.

About that time some basic training I received in a psychology class kicked in. What I thought were feelings of inadequacy and the withdrawal of God's Holy Spirit were actually a disconnect between my body and my spirit. I began to keep track of what I was feeling and when and after a few months I noticed a pattern. Like clockwork there were times when I would experience severe depression that had nothing to do with what I was doing. Even if I was reading my scriptures, saying my prayers, doing well in school and maintaining a good social life I would still hit rock bottom. These darkest days would be followed by a few days of intense euphoria where I felt superhuman. As if there were nothing that could stop me.

Eventually I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which means sometimes I am severely depressed and other times I have more energy than I know what to do with. With bipolar disorder there are two phases, a depressive phase, and a manic phase. I have experienced all parts of the spectrum.  Many people are familiar with depression and the depressive phase of bipolar disorder but few people talk about the manic phase, usually because in the manic phase the person is feeling very happy, energetic, and in many cases relatively normal, if just a little on the hyper side. Many people do not recognize that the manic phase is just as problematic as the depressive phase. They think, "Oh, they're back to their 'normal', 'happy' selves. There's nothing to worry about." To put it in terms that we can understand it is in almost all ways the exact opposite of depression. Just as someone has little or no energy when depressed, in the manic phase we have an overabundance of energy. In the manic phase, it is not just feeling like you have more energy, you do have more energy. In one of my more energetic manic phases I once managed to do 100 pull-ups (5 sets of 20, with a 30 second pause between sets).

Through my experiences I have learned about depression, emotions, and how they are different from feeling the Holy Spirit. I have learned that even in the deepest parts of depression I can still feel the Holy Spirit. It is a distinct feeling that can be felt through the cloud and pain of depression. The Spirit can be something that is difficult to feel at times, but it is something that can always be felt. One of the pernicious side effects of depression is that many times the feelings of depression are indistinguishable from the feelings of sin or the loss of the Spirit. Someone with depression can very easy assume, mistakenly, that they are somehow more sinful than others and that they cannot access the healing power of the atonement or have access to the feelings of the Spirit.

In those times I try to take stock and carefully consider my life. I remind myself that the Spirit does not withdraw for petty and inconsequential things. Even if I am committing some of the sins of omission I have learned that the Spirit still strives with me and more often than not my feelings result from depression and not a loss of the Spirit.

We all have to deal with feelings that come from our own bodies and from our own spirits and telling those apart is hard enough. So sometimes it can be even harder tell what are promptings from the Holy Spirit and what comes from ourselves. The hardest part is learning to tell the difference between the Spirit telling me that I have done something wrong and that I need to repent, and experiencing a feeling of biological depression. Over time I have learned to recognize the sweet, peaceful feeling of the Spirit that permeates everything he does. It is a very distinct and personal feeling that, when learned, can be recognized very readily, just as the flavor of mint can easily be distinguished from the flavor of oranges. But at first it may be very hard to learn to discern the feelings of the Spirit from our own feelings. 

When I learned to recognize the feeling of the Holy Spirit it became a very personal thing, and I could recognize it as being distinct from all other feelings, much in the same way that we might recognize a brother or sister or good friend as distinct from all other people. If we are not familiar with the Spirit then the feelings he brings may be covered over by our own feelings, including the feelings of depression, much in the same way that we may pass a stranger in the street and not give them a second thought. Even in the depths of depression I can still feel the promptings and peace of the Holy Spirit, though it has taken me years to learn to tell the difference between my own feelings and the feelings he brings. 

In some cases the problems of depression are enhanced because the person who is depressed does not only have to deal with their own feelings, but also with feelings brought on by evil or malicious spirits. Not all episodes of depression are caused by the influence of evil spirits, and not all people who experience depression will ever have to deal with the influence of evil spirits, but it is something that I have had to deal with and it is something that requires the power of the priesthood to overcome. When it comes to depression there is perhaps something wrong in the connection between body and spirit, and that misconnection will occasionally induce those who cannot have bodies to try to exploit that opportunity to gain some influence over the body. For those spirits who cannot have their own body, a body that is broken and not working properly is preferable to none at all, even if they have little or no control over it. 

In these cases it requires someone who is very much in tune with things of the Spirit to exercise their priesthood power and to remove the influence of these evil spirits. These spirits can both cause and exacerbate the problems of depression. Like I said, not all people who have depression are being influenced by evil spirits, but some are and it takes the gift of discernment to recognize the presence of these spirits. A bishop has specifically been called to exercise the spirit of discernment so they should usually be the one to recognize and help out in this matter, but I have found that my bishops were not always aware of this or even willing to attempt to help in this way. In these cases I have had to rely on inspired priesthood holders who were sufficiently in tune with the Spirit to recognize the problem and to help out. (If at this point you have in your mind some scene from the movie The Exorcist then you are understanding this all wrong. I am not talking about anything like that at all. The workings of the priesthood and of the Spirit are never creepy. They only provide peace, if not then something is wrong.) 

So the things that I have learned by experiencing depression are that I can still feel the Spirit, even if it is very difficult and it seems that I am “past feeling”. There can be something biologically wrong with my body that interferes with my feeling the Spirit, but even in the most extreme situations the Spirit can still speak to my spirit without a physical intermediary, such as my body, and the Spirit can always be felt and heard. Every once in a while it is not sin, nor a biological problem that creates or worsens my depression, but the influence of those who can never have bodies. In these cases prayer, a reliance on the Spirit, God and His priesthood can dispel these evil influences. 

When I am in my manic phase how I connect to the Spirit is remarkably similar to when I am in my depressive phase. Most people would see me in my manic phase and think it a good thing I am out of my depression, but the manic phase is just as dangerous. It warps my thoughts and makes me think things that aren't true. Just as depression gives me feelings of inadequacy and makes me feel like I have sinned, even when I haven't, my manic phase makes me feel superhuman, like I can do anything, and also makes me feel like I can do no sin.

So how does this affect how I connect to the Spirit? It is like turning up the volume on the radio. If there is static then turning up the volume will just make the static louder. If there is music then the music will be louder. If there is music and static then both will be louder, but in many cases when the static is minimal with the volume turned down, when the volume is turned up the static can override the music. It is the same with the Spirit. If I am feeling the Spirit when I enter one of my manic phases then the Spirit is amplified greatly. Some of my most spiritual and revelatory experiences have come when I was on my manic phase, but just as depression can override the feelings of the Spirit, the feelings of my manic phase can just as easily override the feelings of the Spirit. Going back to my radio analogy it is not just an increase in volume, but the frequency or the tuner also tends to drift in my manic phase so it is just as easy to lose the feelings and promptings of the Spirit when I am in my manic phase as it is in my depressive phase. The problem is I am on a high so it makes it hard to recognize that I have lost the sweet, peaceful, calming feelings of the Spirit.

Alma may have wished to be an angel to cry repentance to the whole earth, but when I am in my manic phase, I feel like I am an angel and I am going to do all of God's work myself. I feel so righteous I think I am good enough to be the prophet (someday). Those moments don't last long and I have learned that if I feel what I think are promptings of the Spirit while I am in my manic phase then I try to verify the same feelings and thoughts when I am not in a manic phase. I found that this deliberate approach to sorting my own feelings from the feelings of the Spirit has kept me from falling into error and mistaking my own feelings for promptings of the Spirit. I have frequently received assurances through the Spirit that God is aware of my limitations and takes extra care to lead me carefully to distinguish what He wants from the sometimes random noise that I can produce in abundance.

What I feel when I am depressed mimics the feeling of losing the Spirit, which is the feeling of having sinned. We must never mistake depression for sin. It is a feeling that is all too common among those who have depression. They feel they are not good enough, that they are a disappointment to God and others, and that they can never be righteous. That is not the Spirit. That is depression. The Spirit always brings hope, even when it chastises us for sin, it gives us hope and peace.

So those are my thoughts. I hope you do not mind me sharing them on your blog, but I have been thinking about these things recently and felt like sharing them. 

I ask that you not use my real name. For this subject I have to be careful since there is still a strong stigma against having these issues. Tell someone you have cancer and they will organize the whole Relief Society to bake dinners till the end of time. But tell someone you have bipolar disorder and they go tell the bishop that they are not comfortable with you being their children’s Sunday School teacher.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I know my comments were rather lengthy but I guess it was just something I really felt like sharing.

[For anyone who wants to comment, you can post anonymously in the comments if you do not feel comfortable using your name or email account. Keep in mind that nothing I say should be taken as medical advice. I'm a astrophysicist not a psychiatrist. ;-) I encourage anyone who is experiencing depression/bipolar disorder to seek help from competent medical professionals.]

Stories from My Mission: A Tool in the Hand of God

My worst companion on my mission was my last companion. Of all of my companions he was the most difficult, the strangest, the most worrisome, and the only one that I felt should not be a missionary.

I had already been in my last area with two different companions. While it was unusual to have three different companions in a single area I had had three companions in my previous three areas so getting a third companion was not unexpected. I had two transfers left and while my mission president usually did not put missionaries into an area for only two transfers it did happen. So I was sort of halfway expecting to be transferred to a new area for my last two transfers since my current companion, Elder Larson, had only been there for one transfer.

But on the morning of transfers we went to the mission office (it was only a short bus ride away from my area) to find out who was being transferred. We walked through the door and the office elders quickly told my companion that he was going to be transferred instead of me. I asked who my new companion would be and all anyone would tell me was, "Elder Tanner, I'm so, so, so sorry." I think someone even gave me a hug of condolence. I finally had to corner one of the APs and get him to tell me who my new companion would be (he was a little surprised that no one had warned told me yet).

He told me my new companion's name, but it was a missionary I had never heard of before. I went out to talk to a few other elders who had also come in to find out where they were going and who their new companions would be. There was one Elder who asked my who my new companion would be and I told him. He looked at me and said, "What did you do to be put with him?" We talked some more and he asked me about some of my other companions. I listed them off to him and at each one he winced at the name. At the end he looked at me and said, "Does President hate you? Why would he keep putting you with so many bad Elders?"

Despite my apparent legendary list of "bad companions" according to everyone I talked to this last one would be the one to top them all. About this time Elder Dacoli, who was a friend of mine, arrived. Elder Dacoli and I had never been companions but we had been in the same zone a few times, and we had worked together occasionally and we even had one very special spiritual experience together. Elder Dacoli was the nicest, most Christlike person I have ever had the pleasure to know in my life. Preciously when he had asked me who my companions were he would always have something good to say about them, even for the ones who were quite insufferable. I am sure that Elder Dacoli could find something good to say about each and every person he ever met. Which is why when I told Elder Dacoli who my new companion was his response surprised me.

I mentioned who my new companion was and all he said was, "Oh. Well Elder, good luck." That was perhaps the most damning thing I could have ever imagined Elder Dacoli to say. He didn't even offer to say anything positive about this Elder. I began to wonder what I was getting myself into.

I don't have the time or energy to compress the next six weeks into a single blog post, but I'll give you the highlights. I'll call my companion Elder A.

On his very first day in the area I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt because I had learned from so many of my previous companions that to have charity and to not criticize or judge were critical for being a good missionary and also a good person in general. So my initial thought while walking around with Elder A was to give him an opportunity to show me who he was before I made any judgements.

Because I had been in the area for three months I knew it pretty well and I could have just gone where ever I wanted without telling Elder A and he would have had no idea. But I was committed to making this a good companionship so I would stop occasionally and talk to him and explain to him where we needed go and why. We had one set appointment with the rest of the afternoon free. He seemed resistant to going to our appointment, but he eventually consented. Unfortunately the person we were looking for wasn't there so we had to turn to finding people.

I consulted a map of the area and decided to go to a particular neighborhood where I had never been before. I told this to Elder A and he immediately questioned why we were going there. I said that I had been in almost every other neighborhood but this was one I had never before visited and I felt that we needed to go there. He said that we shouldn't go there. We discussed it for a while until finally he asked which direction we needed to go to get there. I pointed north, down the street and he promptly started walking south, in the opposite direction. I had to hurry up to catch up with him. I asked him where he was going and he said, "I don't think we should go that way."

I tried to reason with him but it really didn't work. I got him to turn at the next block, but every time I indicated which direction we needed to turn he would go the exact opposite direction. After a while I stopped talking to him and tried to subtly get him to go in the direction we needed to go. After a few twists and turns (I knew the area very well and had a good mental map) I knew we were back on track and he had no idea we were headed in the direction I had originally planned to go.

When we finally got to the particular street that I had felt we needed to go to Elder A looked down the street and said, "Now that you have wasted our time getting us here, now what?" I indicated a house on the corner and he promptly went to the one on the opposite corner (which actually wasn't a house, it was a small shop and after a brief and awkward conversation with the person working there we moved on). I got him to move down the street stopping occasionally to talk to people. There was one person who was not interested and I said good day to them by my companion persisted and tried to set a time to come back to talk to them. Awkwardness ensued (we never saw them again).

As we moved down the street it turned into a minor battle, with Elder A throwing himself at every person who showed no interest and curtly ending conversations with every person who showed a grain of interest. There was one young man sitting outside his house plucking on a guitar. We approached and I introduced myself. I gave a brief rundown of who we were and the message we were sharing. At that moment the young man said the words that every missionary dreams of hearing on a first encounter, "Hey, that sounds really interesting I would like to learn more about your message. We can talk right now because I have time, and maybe you can come back some other time and we can talk some more."

Elder A heard those words and promptly said, "Well it's been good talking to you but we need to move along." and walked off. My jaw dropped down into the street. I ran after my companion and caught up with him at the end of the block. I asked him what he was doing and he said, "He obviously wasn't interested." To which I replied, "He told us he was interested."

For the next six weeks this same scene played itself out over and over. If I said we needed to go one way he would go the other. If I thought someone was progressing he would disagree. Elder A contradicted me in every way possible. It got to the point that members were approaching me and asking if the mission president knew about Elder A. I told them he did. I knew the mission president knew about him because I did something I had never done before. I requested a transfer, but the mission president turned me down.

It was about this time that I was talking to one of the APs. We had gone to high school together so he was willing to give out more information than normal. He said that the decision to put me with Elder A was made at his first meeting with the mission president after he became an AP. He said that they stood there with a map of the mission, with all the missionary pictures and started matching up companions. When they had nearly finished they had three or four Elders whose pictures were left at the bottom of the board and they didn't know what to do with them. For some of them they just stuck them off in their own area and hoped they didn't do anything stupid.

But for Elder A they had a hard time because they had to find someone to be his companion who would not get mad and hit him in the face (something that apparently happened before). They finally decided to give him to me because they knew I wouldn't hit him, and fortunately I didn't prove them wrong.

After six weeks I couldn't stand it any more and asked my mission president for a transfer. He just told me that I only had to survive six more weeks and then I could go home. I really didn't appreciate hearing that. It was one moment when I really didn't feel like sustaining my priesthood leader.

That evening Elder A and I were back on the street with me doing our usual, not telling him where we were going and hoping he wouldn't suddenly decide to do something stupid. There was a less active member I had been trying to find for a while and I wanted to stop by his house. As soon as Elder A figured out that we were going in a specific direction he began his standard practice of taking random turns and trying to steer us away from where ever I wanted to go. Eventually I got us to the right street (we only had to circle the block two or three times before I got him close enough to turn down the right street).

About half way down the block Elder A realized that we were getting to where I wanted to go and promptly went to the opposite side of the street. I walked up to the house to clap only to realize that my companion was standing 40 feet away down the street. I went back to try to get him to just cross the street but the harder I tried the worse it got.

Finally something in me snapped and I did something I have never done with anyone since. I got confrontational. I looked at Elder A and demanded to know what he was doing. He waffled behind some excuses that he didn't think we should be here or he didn't think it was worth trying to find this person, but I didn't let it go like I had before. I kept pressing and demanding to know why he was so resistant to crossing the street. I told him that he didn't even have to talk, just cross the street. He continued to refuse and then asked why I was getting upset.

I really didn't want to do this in the middle of the street, but I really didn't have any other option. I told him bluntly and directly, "Elder, you are destroying the work in this area. You are an active impediment to the work of the Lord." Elder A responded by saying that I was destroying the work just as much and began to list of ever minor infraction I had ever committed, including wasting time walking long distances only to find that the people we were looking for were not home. He listed every personality flaw that he thought I had (or the ones he had enough mental wherewithal to know about).

I told him that really didn't want to have this discussion in the middle of the street since it would be a very bad idea to have people see two Mormon missionaries arguing in the street. I insisted that we go back to our apartment but he wanted to have it all out there in the middle of the street. After a while I finally convinced him to go back to our apartment.

As soon as we got in I sat down with him and again told him that he was destroying the work of the Lord and was an active impediment to the Church. He again told me that he was no worse than me. I asked him why he contradicted me on every decision and refused to go anywhere I had decided to go.

Finally after six weeks Elder A opened up and began to be honest with me. He said that our mission president had threatened to send him home, and if he was sent home from his mission he would be too embarrassed to go to Church so he would probably just leave the Church. So when our mission president had read him the riot act he had decided that he would strenuously keep the mission rules. Unfortunately in his mind "keeping the mission rules" meant contradicting me. Before he had met me he had apparently overheard one of the Elders in the office talking about me and my previous companion Elder Larson. The office Elder had remarked at our teaching stats, which were unusually low, and was wondering if we were doing any work out in our area.

Elder A took that and assumed that I was the laziest, good for nothing, rule-breaking-est missionary there ever was and came to the conclusion that in order to be a good missionary he needed to contradict every single decision I ever made. He told me that for the last six weeks he had intentionally been making my life difficult because he had it fixed in his mind that I was a bad missionary. All this time I had just been thinking he was stupid. I had no idea that he was malicious as well.

I acknowledged that I was not a perfect person and even accepted some of the things he had listed off as to why I was a "bad missionary", but insisted that minor personality flaws or even just basic human traits did not make me a "bad missionary". I again reiterated the fact that by actively creating disharmony in the companionship he was actively destroying the work of the Lord. I then quoted to him D&C 1:19-23 which reads:

19 The weak things of the world shall come forth and break down the mighty and strong ones, that man should not counsel his fellow man, neither trust in the arm of flesh—
20 But that every man might speak in the name of God the Lord, even the Savior of the world;
21 That faith also might increase in the earth;
22 That mine everlasting covenant might be established;
23 That the fulness of my gospel might be proclaimed by the weak and the simple unto the ends of the world, and before kings and rulers.

I emphasized the "weak and simple" and said that I do not have to be a perfect person, nor live up to Elder A's standard of perfection in order to proclaim the gospel. I only had to give all that I am and the Lord would make up the rest.

That night we came to a kind of a truce. He agreed to stop contradicting me in every decision and we both agreed to do the work we needed to do.

In the weeks leading up to this confrontation I had often wondered why this Elder was on a mission. He barely knew the doctrine, he did not get along with other missionaries. His first companion had apparently hated so much that he had to be moved in an emergency transfer (I hear physical violence was involved). Elder A took just about every thought and twisted it around in such a way that it made me wonder just how much lead paint he had licked as a child. I could not understand why he was not sent home. He was confrontational, irrational, had broken just about every mission rule possible without actually breaking any commandments. In my mind it made no sense to keep him there in the mission field.

So I began to pray.

I prayed and asked to know why Elder A was still on a mission and had not been sent home already. The answer came not all at once but through a series of revelatory experiences and through the gift of discernment such that I learned things I could never have learned any other way.

Elder A had grown up in a very poor neighborhood in an especially poor South American country. For the first 10 or 12 years of his life he had lived in a mud hut with a cardboard roof (a kind of very stiff paperboard coated in tar to make it water repellent). When he was an early teen his family had managed to get a free house in a government housing block. It had two rooms and was made of very basic kiln fired building blocks. He never got far in school but his family had joined the Church and he had gone on a mission out of genuine desire to give back to the Lord for what the Lord had given him. His family was too poor to provide any help so the full time Elders in his branch had provided shirts, pants and shoes so that he could go on a mission. Our monthly stipend that we got (at that time was ~550 pesos or ~$200) was more money than he would typically make in six months. He had never felt so rich in his entire life. He had never been able to afford the food he was now eating. He relished in the the sense that he could talk and people would listen to him because his entire life he was poor and no one listens to the poor.

All this power and wealth went a little to his head. When our mission president had told him that he needed to follow the rules or be sent home, he may as well have told Elder A that he would be cast into hell for all eternity because it had the same effect. That's when he became my companion.

Over the next few weeks there were minor incidents where the spirit nudged me and said, "Look. That is why he wasn't sent home." There were little things that happened that may seem minor to our understanding but were great in the sight of God. Because of my personality there are people who I would have a hard time talking to about the gospel. There are people who would have a hard time talking to me about anything for that matter. If there is someone in my area that cannot hear the gospel because their personality does not match mine that is OK because somewhere in the mission there is usually another Elder or Sister who can reach them and, when the time is right, the Lord will rotate those missionaries in and put them in contact with those people.

With Elder A there were people who were very special or very unique who would have a hard time hearing the gospel from any other missionary. But Elder A was just the right person at the right time to contact a few very specific people, people who did not join the Church as far as I know, but in the eternal scheme of things they needed their chance to hear the gospel.

After several weeks of observing and learning I was praying one night about my companion when I got the distinct impression and received a clear answer to my prayer. It said, "He is mine. I will do with him as seemeth me good. He is a tool in my hand and as long as he is here I will use him to do my work. He is not perfect but neither is anyone else. I know my servants and I know how to use all my servants in the way that is best for them. I will do the same for him as I will do for you. For all who will be my servants, I will use. My knowledge is sufficient that I can do my own work, even with the weak and simple things of the earth. Remember,

9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:
11 So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.
12 For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thorn shall come up the fir tree, and instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree: and it shall be to the Lord for a name, for an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.

"My servants are my own and I shall not lose them, and they will do my work."

From this I learned to trust in the Lord, because He knows so much more than we do. After that I was perhaps the only one in the entire mission who had anything good to say about Elder A. I began to see him as God saw him and it changed everything I knew about him. There were so many other missionaries who wanted to offer their negative assessment but from that time on I always strived to say only good things about him when talking to other missionaries. I think I had more good to say about him than my mission president (sometimes I wonder if my mission president understood why he never sent Elder A home). I don't know if anyone noticed that I only had good things to say about Elder A but I know that God noticed. And he thanked me for it.